


Handicaps

by maeshii



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A Lot of Gay, Abuse, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Blind!Lafayette, Blood, Burr helps kids with disabilities, Child Abuse, F/F, GAY GAY GAY, Gayness, Highschool AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Mental Disorder, Panic Attacks, Tw for that, and he is v v gay for Tjeff, blind!laf, jeffmads - Freeform, jmads has had a rough and traumatic past, mullette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-24 12:09:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13213461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeshii/pseuds/maeshii
Summary: The blind Lafayette au you never knew you needed.*ahem I should probably add a real description*There were many things Lafayette loved to look at. For example, his adoptive brothers smile. His boyfriends face. He never appreciated the beauty of the world around him- until he loses it.I changed the title to what it is on Wattpad





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first work on this website, so I’m completely new to writing on here. This fanfic is actually taken from my Wattpad account, DenNorFangirl. I wanted to post something on here, so I decided to put it up here!! Pls don’t judge this too hard ;-;

August 5th  
3 months before vision loss

Lafayette took deep breaths as he tried keeping his breathing in order. His stomach hurt. Yours would too if you were in the situation he was in.

He was so nervous. Sitting in the waiting room of the doctors office. He hated this part of the doctors visit. All the unfortunate patients had to wait alone while their parent, guardian, or whoever came with them to the doctor gets to hear the news first. 

The french teen took out his phone, figuring it may be a while until he got to hear the news. All his friends were in school, though, so there wasn't anyone he could talk to. Lafayette sighed as he put his phone away, deciding to just focus on calming his racing nerves.

So much could go wrong.

So much could've already went wrong.

About ten minutes later, Lafayette's adoptive mother, Martha Washington, and the Doctor game out. Martha wore a solemn expression, but when she noticed Lafayette looking at her, she gave him a sad smile. Lafayette stood up and walked towards the two, his heart still racing. When he reached them, the doctor led them back into a room where the doctor informed Lafayette of his test results.

"You said your formal name is Gilbert, correct?" The doctor asked.

"Yes." Lafayette answered, a little too quickly. Now he had to focus on calming his nerves and making sure he was speaking English. 

"Well, Gilbert, we have reviewed your test results, and I️ must tell you, they did not come out well."

The doctor kept going on about something Lafayette didn't care about. A bunch of scientific stuff that he didn't even understand. 

"-your condition will most likely result in vision loss."

Did he hear her correctly?

Maybe she meant hearing loss, and this is a side effect?

No.

He couldn't.

As soon as those nine words left the doctors mouth, Lafayette felt his whole world crumble around him.

"I️...I'm going blind?" Lafayette finally spoke.

"I'm afraid at your young age, there is nothing we are able to do to prevent it. Surgery is too dangerous. Maybe in a couple of years."

Martha gave the young boy a sad look, but Lafayette didn't see it. How was he going blind? How? He never had any problems with his vision. He could see perfectly fine.

Tears threatened to escape his eyes. "Non. Save it for home." He told himself.

"It should occur any time between a couple weeks to 5 months, most likely overnight."

When Lafayette didn't say anything, Martha spoke for him.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Prevost. We will make the most of the time we have." She said.

The woman smiled. "Please do. Stay safe!"

Lafayette and Martha walked out of the doctors office and into the car. Lafayette leaned his head against the back of the seat and let the inevitable tears fall.

"Gilbert..." Martha whispered, wiping the tears from Lafayette's eyes. 

"I'm scared...I️ don't want to go blind." He said shakily. "Mama...Please don't tell Alex."

"How come, sweetie?" Martha asked, confused.

"I️ don't want to upset him."

Martha smiled at Lafayette's kindness and pulled her son in for a hug. Lafayette accepted the embrace and hugged her back.

His life was never the same.

***

November 15th  
One day before vision loss

"C'mon, Laf!! Look at that poor, defenseless maiden! She needs a knight in shining armor to save her from the evil Hamcelot!"

"Lancelot wasn't evil..." Lafayette said quietly, chuckling through tears caused by laughing so hard. All of them had been crying at one point at this ridiculous "game" they were playing at lunch. It wasn't even a game. It was just John putting everyone in awkward and hilarious situations.

Hercules and Alex were both laughing ridiculously hard.

"Well, what am I supposed to do to save the maiden?"

"GIVE HER A KISS!!"

Alex covered his mouth and began giggling like a psycho as he kicked his legs repeatedly. 

"WHAT THE HELL, LAURENS?!" Hercules shouted. That only made Alex and John laugh harder.

Lafayette moved slightly closer to Hercules, deep blush spreading across both their faces. 

"L-Laf, you're not actually..."

"FOR THE MAIDEN!!!!" Lafayette screamed before grabbing Hercules by the head, pulling him closer and kissing him. Alex and John both screamed as they held the kiss. Finally, Laf let go, and Hercules covered the bottom of his face.

"That was amazing," Alex said, wiping a tear from his eye. 

A loud ring came from somewhere.

"That's the bell. C'mon, let's go!!" John said, standing up and running for the door. The other three stood and ran after John.

Lafayette only felt truly happy around his friends.


	2. 2

**November 14th**  
**The day of vision loss**

Lafayette slowly opened his eyes. God, he was exhausted...how early was it? He turned to the clock, but all he saw was darkness.

 _‘Is it unplugged? Why isn't it there?’_ He thought to himself. He reached over for the lamp to try and turn it on, but after clicking on the switch, the room got no brighter. Beginning to panic slightly, Lafayette stood up and made his way to the hallway. He still saw nothing. Normally it would be illuminated by the moon.

Running to where he remembered Martha's room to be, Lafayette went into full on panic mode.

"Mama? Mama!!" Lafayette began to sob as he heard Martha sit up and turn on the light. He could hear so well...but he still couldn't see, dammit!

"Gilbert, honey? What's wrong?"

"S'il vous plaît aidez-moi, je ne peux pas voir!" **(Translation: Please help me, I can’t see!)**  Lafayette said, his voice laced with panic.

"Sweetie, calm down, calm down. Take deep breaths, okay?"

Lafayette shut his eyes and took deep breaths. Eventually, he calmed down and allowed Martha to hold him.

"It's happened, hasn't it?" Martha asked gently. Lafayette shrugged.

"I️ cant see, mama, I️ don't like it, I️ want to see again, I️ want to see you, I️ want to see Alex, I'm scared."

"I️ know, I️ know. We'll go into school early, okay? I've already called the school to let them know about your condition, and they said to give them a call when it happens."

"How am I going to see? How am I️ going to navigate through the halls?" Lafayette asked, on the verge of tears. He hated this already. He just wanted to see again.

"Honey, we already have that sorted out." Martha whispered soothingly. "Someone will be helping you get to your classes, and read to you what's written on the board."

Lafayette tried to let that reassure him, but his racing nerves didn't calm down one bit. "What do I tell Alex? And Hercules? And John? They're going to be so disappointed..."

"They'll understand, Gilbert, I promise. They're your friends, they'll love you no matter what."

Lafayette nodded quickly. His mind was still racing with questions, but he decided not to ask them.

"For now, lets do something about your eyes; while they're defective, you should cover them up."

Lafayette heard a drawer open. He heard Martha rummaging through it, looking for something. He could hear everything.

He then could feel glasses sliding onto his face. They pushed back all the way to the base of his nose. "They're sunglasses," he heard Martha say. "When people are blind, their eyes look strange, and some people may find it disturbing."

"I'm...disturbing?"

"Oh, no, Gilbert, I didn't mean it like that. It's like if you were recovering from a form of cancer, and your head was shaved. It's best to cover it up then to let it show, correct?"

"Yes...I suppose so."

"Let's go into your room and get you dressed. We'll meet your aid there, and he'll show you how things will work. I think you'll love him."

Lafayette nodded, and allowed Martha to guide him to his room. Getting dressed didn't take as long as he thought, but then again, Martha was helping him. When Martha was at work and it was just him and Alex...he couldn't ask Alex to help. He'd have to do it himself.

15 minutes later they arrived at the school. Martha sat him down in a chair, and he could hear her speaking to a staff member. He was mainly focused on thinking of a way to tell his friends about his blindness, but he did overhear some of the conversation.

"...just needs to adjust. Mr. Burr will help him with that."

"I can't help but worry. He is my son, he's always been so strong, and confident."

"I can almost guarantee you that when he comes home today, he will be just fine."

Mr. Burr? Lafayette knew him. That can't be. Mr. Burr was certainly a nice man, but his specialty was kids with some sort of mental defect, not physical.

More thoughts began clouding Lafayette's mind, blocking out the rest of the conversation. What if Alex hates me for lying? What if Hercules thinks a blind boyfriend is too much to handle? What if John wants a fully functional best friend?

What-if questions filled his mind, and he couldn't reassure himself. At one point he heard Martha sit down next to him, and his questions disappeared.

"Your aid is coming. Unfortunately, I have to be home in time to get Alex ready, so I can't stay for the tour, but I'm sure you'll be fine." Martha said in a gentle voice.

Lafayette only nodded. He couldn't say anything. There was nothing to be said.

A couple minutes, which felt like hours, later, he heard footsteps, and Martha stood up.

"Hello! You must be Martha, Lafayette's guardian. My name is Aaron Burr, it's a pleasure to meet you."

That voice certainly belonged to Mr. Burr. There was a kid in all of Lafayette's classes who Mr. Burr helped. Perhaps that was why he was with him.

"Martha Washington. I can see you already know Lafayette."

Martha gently put her hand on Lafayette's shoulder, as if to tell him to stand up. He obeyed, but refused to look up. Did it matter what he looked at? He couldn't make eye contact.

"Lafayette, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Mr. Burr, and I'll be helping you from now on."

"I know who you are, sir. You help out James."

He heard a slight chuckle come from Mr. Burr, and he assumed the man was smiling. "Yes, but it is polite to introduce yourself when meeting officially. How about you tell me a bit about yourself?"

"I'm Lafayette, I come from France, English is my second language, and yesterday I was able to see." He mumbled.

"Martha, is it okay if me and Lafayette have a minute to ourselves?"

"Oh, yes, that's fine. I should probably go soon, anyway. I have another boy I need to get ready."

"Oh, yes, Alex. I have one thing for you, though." Lafayette heard the sound of paper being taken from a desk somewhere.

"We hold an extra class every Tuesday and Thursday after school. Kids with physical and mental health issues are able to meet and make friends with people going through something similar to them, so they don't feel alone. Lafayette would be a wonderful addition to the class, so you two can talk it over later."

"Thank you. We'll be sure to consider it."

Lafayette heard Martha walk out of the school, and he knew it was just him and Mr. Burr.

"So, Lafayette, I know it must be very difficult to be blind, but I'd like you to know that I'm here to help you if you need it. I want you to feel comfortable with me, and I want you to feel like you can tell me what's on your mind."

"What are you, a therapist?" Lafayette snapped. His own attitude reminded himself of Alex when he first moved in. He didn't like behaving this way, but how could he help it? He just lost his ability to see.

"I may not be trained in therapy, but I want you to be able to trust me like I am. I won't tell anyone anything if you don't want me to."

Lafayette only nodded in response. He was too tired, too defeated to think of a snarky comeback.

"So, shall we begin the tour?"

"Sure," Lafayette said. At this point he may as well just go along with whatever Mr. Burr says.

It wouldn't make a difference in the end, right?


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for the first day of school. Maybe it won’t be so hard after all?

**November 14th**  
**Day of vision loss (continued)**

The "tour" mainly consisted of Mr. Burr holding Lafayette's shoulders while telling him some things that will be different in his schedule. Most of it was the same, except that one extra class he needed to discuss with Martha. He didn't want to do it, but even though Martha would give him a choice, she would somehow convince him to do it nonetheless.

"And as you know, James Madison also has me as his aid, so I hope you two will be able to get along."

"What's wrong with James? I-If I dare ask."

"It's fine to ask. James has had a very...traumatic past. He's been going to school for three years, yet in all those years he's yet to make a single friend...you were a new student at one point, right?" Lafayette nodded. "How long did it take you to make a friend?"

"The second day..." he mumbled. Lafayette smiled, remembering his first two days.

**September 4th....4 years ago....6th grade**

Have you ever sat alone at lunch? If so, then you know how much fun it is. If not, then, don't ever take it into consideration. Lafayette was lonely, but it was to be expected on his first day.

He sighed. Despite his new foster mother packing him a probably delicious lunch, he wasn't hungry. All he could do was stare at it, stare at other kids, and then stare down.

He looked around. Nobody seemed to notice him, sitting alone. They were all going to a new school, just like Lafayette. But they already went to school together...they did, but Lafayette only moved to the U.S about a year ago. His English was nowhere near perfect, this was the first placement where his foster parents didn't know french.

He was barely fluent. He could barely hold a conversation. No wonder nobody wanted to be his friend.

The next day, Lafayette sat in his same spot. They say tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow doesn't automatically teach you an entire language. Tomorrow doesn't mean people will suddenly love you. Tomorrow doesn't mean you'll get all the answers right on a test.

"Hello?" He hears a voice say. He looks up and sees two students looking at him with trays.

"Ah, Bonjour..I-I mean hello," he stuttered. He hated his french. He loved the language, but hated that he learned it all for nothing.

"You're that new French student, right?" One said.

"Y-Yes, English..not my first...first..." he tried remembering the word. It wouldn't come to him. "C-Country," he said, knowing that wasn't the right word but figuring it was close enough.

They snickered. "I'd assume so, you are from France, after all. Mind if we sit with you?"

Lafayette nodded. "Please do."

And that's how he met Hercules and John.

**Back to present day**

"We're here!" Mr. Burr said somewhat enthusiastically. Lafayette assumed he meant at the classroom, and his assumption was proven to be correct when he was sat down by Mr. Burr. It didn't take him long to realize this wasn't his normal seat, but instead the back of the classroom.

"Stay here, Lafayette. I must go get James."

Lafayette gave a small nod. How would he tell Alex? Or John and Hercules? Maybe he could let them find out themselves? Maybe Martha told Alex, and Alex would tell John and Hercules in their meeting spot.

The meeting spot! Lafayette forgot he wouldn't be able to go today. He sighed and felt around for his backpack, eventually finding it and pulling out the first notebook he could find. He took a deep breath and felt along the cover of the book, tracing the indents of the words with his finger. Before he had gone blind, he went over each subject on his notebook in pen and pressed hard so he could still know what it was. He felt the letters M A T H. He put it back in his backpack and grabbed the next one he felt.

Eventually, he found the notebook with the letters F R E E scribbled on. That was his free notebook, where he could write or draw whatever he wanted to. He took out his pen and tried writing as neatly as he could.

_Today isn't a good day. Tomorrow won't be a good day. I won't have a good day for a while, because I won't be me. Until people define me by my handicap. Until people refuse to see me for me, because who wants a friend who cannot see?_

It felt good to write down. He smiled ever so slightly, relief washing over him. Even if nobody would ever see it, he knew it was there. He needed to learn Braille soon. Chuckling at the thought, he put away his notebook and sat in silence for the next couple minutes. Eventually the door opened again.

"Good morning, Lafayette," his teacher, Mrs. Ross said. "How are you today?"

"How you say...blind?" He replied, uneasily.

"So I've heard. How's that going?"

"Easier than I expected, actually. I was not aware my hearing would be better. Plus, I have Mr. Burr."

"Yes, Mr. Burr does an excellent job with James. I'm sure he'll do great with you, dear."

The door opened again.

"Oh, good morning, Mr. Burr! We were just talking about you," Mrs. Ross said.

"Ah, good things, I hope?" He said, jokingly. Mrs. Ross giggled.

"Of course," she replied. Lafayette couldn't help but smile at the sarcasm in her voice.

"Well now I'm just concerned."

"They were good things," Lafayette said.

Mr. Burr smiled. "Glad I can trust you, Lafayette." He turned towards another student. "James, why don't you take your seat?"

Lafayette heard small footsteps, followed by the scraping of a chair against the tiled floor. He turned towards the direction of the sound and offered a small smile towards it, hoping it made its way to the boy.

If he saw it, he showed no signs of it.

Not too long after that, students began to enter, and the classroom grew louder. Lafayette didn't let it bother him. Or he tried.

The silence from earlier was too deafening. He hated silence.

He could only imagine the stares he was receiving. He wanted to cry. His thoughts about Hercules, John and Alex came flooding back. They don't want a blind friend. They don't want you.

"E-Excusez-moi." He said, standing abruptly and making his way into the hall. Students were still lingering, but he'd rather be seen crying by strangers than his acquaintances.

He took off his glasses and wiped at his eyes. The tears almost came back at full force when he heard that all too familiar voice:

"Hey, Laf! Where were you?"


End file.
